TT BLOG

Clive Hayward – @Byehorse

Clive blogs about the world of Torquay United

FIFTEEN TO ONE

I nearly got on Fifteen to One once. I managed to answer questions about the Atlas Mountains and Automatic Braking Systems, but Willam G Stewart didn’t take a shine to me for some reason. Never mind: it was a day off work, and they paid me a tenner for trying!

This weekend, Fifteen to One is the “Torquay United Goals to Trophies Won Ratio”. Here’s how it went down.

Friday- Devon Women’s Premier Cup:

Torquay United 10, Signal Box Oak Villa 0

Truthfully, the Devon FA made a mistake when putting us into this competition, because Ryan Perks’ team have the firepower to blow everyone else away at these levels. I have a memory of travelling to Manadon a few months ago to watch us hit 6 against, er, Plympton maybe? A subsequent semi final didn’t happen because the opponents cried off, and although the Signal Box women were game as a badger, they were outclassed in the final.

It was a lovely evening at Coach Road. Signal Box are clearly a thriving community club, and they helped fill the stand, bringing one of their young age group teams along to experience the occasion.

It was a nice distraction for the likes of Michael Westcott and the Parkman family as we tried not to think too hard about the winner-take-all showdown with Dorking 24 hours later. We stood up on a low grass bank and shot the breeze. True to form, Michael was more interested in Plainmoor ticket sales than the small matter of his company just having been sold for a sum that would make your eyes water. He confirmed that the Bryn Six will shortly become “the Magnificent Seven” and he seemed to like my idea of a photoshoot with stetsons and ponchos!

The tea bar did a roaring trade and the away keeper put in a superb performance to save her mates from further punishment. By the end, we were hoping that Signal Box would get on the scoresheet because they never stopped trying, but it wasn’t to be and goals from Bell(2), Barker (2), Pengelly, Everson, Knott, Hiller-Nickels and Thomas plus an own goal put Torquay’s name on the Cup.

At the final whistle I hustled to the railway station to pick up my son, who had travelled down for the playoff. A few cans and episodes of Gavin and Stacey followed, and we were ready for Saturday.

Saturday- Playoff Semi Final

Torquay 4, Marc White’s Dorking Wanderers 2

That was fun, wasn‘t it!

A Deon Moore-inspired United ripped into a tired and emotional Dorking to lift the roof off Plainmoor and set us up for a Final next week. Matt Jay’s son delivered the match ball on the tiny car, Bristow’s was as loud as I have ever heard it and the Pop Side erupted ore often than Krakatoa, Etna & Vesuvius combined.

Deon Moore is match fit now, and he is getting his fridge-like physique on the move to devastating effect. The visitors’ makeshift centre half, Knight, probably wished he had brought a suit of armour with him as our number 19 dominated him all afternoon. Nash Sundire pocketed Dorking’s schemer Charlie Carter before a collision with Dan Hayfield sent him to the floor and then to hospital. Dylan Morgan was catching pigeons all day and Matt Worthington produced by far his best performance in a yellow shirt. Add in Jordan Young finding his shooting boots again, and we had way too much for our opponents, who can take little joy from their two late goals.

The atmosphere was lifted a little by a rather underwhelming away support- 400 is big by NLS standards but they barely made their presence felt on an afternoon when there was a grim determination in TQ1 that this wouldn’t be their day.

You shouldn’t over-celebrate a semi-final win, but we weren’t about to go straight home either!

We convened in Boots for a pasty, a pint and a ringside seat for an attempted fight between two Torquay fans who probably ought to know better. That got quickly defused, and we settled in to revel over City’s relegation and Argyle’s hard luck story. I drank enough Guinness to know I won’t need to worry about amnesia for a couple of decades. A couple of fans came up to say how much they enjoy Gulls Eye View. I always tell people it is much more enjoyable to make than ever it can be to watch, and no doubt the likes of Sam, Chris, Tommy, Rachel and I will have some fun doing the next episode on Wednesday night

After a couple of hours, Matty and I found ourselves upstairs in the Nest for a little watch of Hornchurch v Weston. Our Her Game Too rep Kirsty had departed the fray. She’d come from her nightshift and could probably have fallen asleep where she stood. This left the likes of Joe Ugs, the Three Musketeers and other diehards to push on for another hour or so.

Jimmy Ball had a chat, explaining his Matty Worthington masterplan and telling a couple of Marc White anecdotes. He is a genuinely friendly, engaging and knowledgeable football man: I am increasingly thinking that we are lucky to have him. Vivek Kulkarni gave us a Nash bulletin, and I had a catch up with his wife. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Hornchuch had had too much for Weston, so it will be in East London that our destiny will be revealed next week.

After a chippy visit, we got home and naturally bunged the DAZN replay on: Paul Mulhern and Dave Thomas being exactly the right voices for a Plainmoor performance that won’t be soon forgotten.

Sunday- South West Women’s Premier League

AEK Boco 1, Torquay 1

We can sleep when we’re dead.

The M5 was a cruel Mistress, and a three-hour trip to the Bristol outskirts was a labour of love for myself, Keith & Kirsty and a hungover co-Chair (who had spent the morning trying to get some sense out of the powers that be at National League South HQ).

Boko proved tough nuts to crack. Although Beth Everson put us a goal up before the break our inability to kill the game came back to bite us as the home team nabbed a late equaliser which they celebrated hard. I believe the squad were off for a night out in Plymouth come what may, and I’m sure they will have enjoyed themselves. They deserve it. It will take an earthquake to prevent them from sealing the league title in their next outing at Sherborne next Sunday (2pm).

Finally, there will be a chance to clinch the treble when Poole are the opponents in the League Cup Final at Bishops Lydeard on May 17th. That is also a 2pm start.