MATCH VERDICT
Clive Hayward
@Byehorse
TORQUAY UNITED 3-4 SLOUGH TOWN – MATCH SUMMARY
Was this a pulsating seven goal thriller between two play-off chasing sides?
That’s one way of describing it. Another would be a tragi-comic afternoon of dreadful defending as Torquay United plumb new depths in their worst ever season.
You don’t want to be reading this all day, any more than I want to be writing it all night, so I will simply list the goals as they went in.
19 mins: Will Jenkins-Davies was given time and space on the right of the Family Stand penalty area and he finished with aplomb low to the keeper’s right.
28 mins: Jeanmal Prosper drew Slough deservedly level. For 10 minutes after falling behind they exposed Torquay’s soft underbelly. Captain Asa Hall picked up yet another injury a couple of minutes before the equaliser went in.
49 mins: Jenkins-Davies: Immediately before half time Gary Johnson had been berating his changes, screaming- understandably- for more effort. Whatever he had said in the dressing room was irrelevant to the next goal, because Slough switched off as the ball went in to the box, allowing it to bounce for Jenkins-Davies to score with a simple header.
60 mins: Johnny Goddard capitalised on some more woeful defending. We didn’t get close enough to a breaking winger to stop him heading a ball he had mis-controlled ball into the danger area and Liza’s lad gleefully capitalised.
69 mins: Tom Lapslie made it 3-2. Sometime Captain Tom caught his volley well and I for one wouldn’t begrudge him an illegal spa in his back garden.
82 mins: Dan Bayliss sent the rebels into paroxsyms of joy with a third equaliser, a fantastic header defeating a groping Halstead.
90+1 mins: “Leon Chambers-Parillon reacted to divert a cross-shot in for 3-4.” We’ll never sing that!!
PLAYER RATINGS
1. GK: Mark Halstead – 5
Made a sharp save in the first half but seldom commanded his box and a horrific blunder at 3-3 (spilling a shot straight at him into the path of an onrushing forward) nearly gave Slough their fourth before nature took its course. His distribution was generally poor too, although could have had an “assist” for a punt which Ash wasted.
5. CB: Austen Booth – 4
I feel for Aaron Booth. He’s obviously going to want to try to make a go of this chance with his hometown club. He isn’t blessed with great technique. Maybe we could live with that- it never held back the likes of Jack Charlton or dare I say Guy Branston. He does look out of his depth at the moment though. He’s nervous and there were times today where he just looked like a little boy lost.
6. CB: Ross Marshall – 4.5
Certainly tried hard. Little positional sense though and I always feel he does less damage to us at full back than in today’s position of centre back. As a mentor to the rookie playing alongside him? Well: it was like putting Donald Trump in charge of a sauna. Also- there was a time when coloured boots were the preserve of a flair player. Soon everyone started wearing them, but today black has made a big comeback. What does Ross do? Buys himself a pair that make him stand out from 100 yards away. Jade. Do me a favour!
21. LB: Dean Moxey – 5.5
Back in his preferred position of left back. The trouble is, he’s a better centre half now, and pushing Martin forward into midfield was a failure too. Dean looked gutted at the end but was man enough to sign a few autographs before disappearing down the tunnel to imbibe more of Gary & Aaron’s wisdom.
3. LW: Dan Martin – 4.5
I don’t think it’s ever going to happen for him at Plainmoor. Never any lack of effort but cannot remember a quality pass all day. Flattered to deceive when trying to get forward. He possibly gets caught between two stools as a left back who likes to get forward. Playing in midfield looked beyond him today.
2. RB: Arkell Jude-Boyd – 6.5
A bit hard to tell. The QPR loanee looks to have a good, aggressive attitude. In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king, and the young right back was possibly our best defender today.
14. MF: Brett McGavin – 6
Not Brett’s best game. If he had a left foot he would be playing higher than National League South. Gave the ball away a couple of times and sometimes laboured in the conditions, but showed his class with some good long range passing including a coupe of clever volleyed efforts out to the left.
4. MF: Tom Lapslie – 5.5
Conditions which he must love. Another 90 minutes of endeavour but apart from his well taken goal he didn’t really impose himself against part time opponents.
18. MF: Will Jenkins Davies – 7
A young man trying to make his way in a desperately poor team with a fanbase at the end of its tether. You have to give him credit for trying his best for 90 minutes and although they ultimately counted for little it was good to see him take his two goals well.
8. MF/ST: Asa Hall – 5.5
Asa had a pretty good 20 minutes but the tide had already turned by the time he went down injured. A season too far- at least- for this dedicated pro.
19. ST: Duane Ofori-Acheampong – 5.5
Early comment from my neighbour was: “He’s a big bugger, isn’t he?” Of that there is no doubt. He did fight hard but in truth looked no better than an ageing semi-pro in need of a good pre-season.
Subs
30. MF: Ethon Archer – 5
Must have been disappointed to miss out today but did very little in the brief time he had.
11. ST: Brad Ash – 5.5
Brad will always run for you, but his season of massive underachievement continued today. Had several shooting opportunities but squandered them all.
9. ST: Aaron Jarvis – 6
Glimpses of what we’ve been missing. A couple of “pearls before swine” flick-ons and, boy, does he know how to win a free kick!
MAN OF THE MATCH – WILL JENKINS DAVIES
On an afternoon when “inept” was the norm, the youngster took both his goals well. As the final whistle blew he put his shirt over his head to try to blot out what was happening around him. A reasonable strategy under the circumstances.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS
Should we thank the ground staff for getting the game on? I suppose we should. Well done. Their pitch took some punishment today but it looked reasonable at 3pm and at least fulfilling the fixture today means we get at least one more Tuesday night to do something more enjoyable between now and the end of the season.
TACTICS
Difficult to discern any, in truth. Certainly this is a more difficult task when one spends most of the afternoon watching us defend like an under 10’s team.
Picking Big Duane gave us the opportunity to launch balls in the general direction of his head, but it’s hard to remember a flick on, nor anyone running off him to catch one. McGavin tried to spray it wide at times, but we had no wingers so that was also an exercise in futility.
The formation looked something like 4-5-1 to start with: Dan Martin in left midfield and Asa trying to support Acheampong. When Asa was crocked Brad Ash came on to make it more like two up front, and to chase some lost causes and moan at the officials.
OPPOSITION
“The Rebels” knew- as so many teams now do- that it was worth having a good go today. The fear factor is long gone and plumbers, financial advisors and PR consultants throughout the South East now realise that there is no Wizard of Oz at Plainmoor: just an old Cockney in a big coat. Their defence was no better than ours, but they broke with purpose and every ball into our box was a potential hand grenade. Their strikers were better than ours, and it was no surprise when they snatched the 3 points.
THE OFFICIALS
The Bristow’s linesman because very flustered when having to write down three Slough substitutions. I’m not sure why this is particularly important (others may know?), but in any event his next act was to flag Aaron Jarvis’ first touch offside. It looked a tight decision, but the larger issue was that it came direct from a Halstead goal kick! To give him his due, he apologised!
I thought the ref was generally poor, although trying not to book players was probably sensible in the very wet conditions. How Asa escaped a yellow for a late sliding challenge early on is beyond me though, and a bit later he nearly wore his whistle out getting Duane and the Slough keeper to stop wrestling at a corner, only to then drag them 40 yards to give them a little talking to.
CONCLUSION
For me, losing 0-4 at home to St Albans last Saturday was the moment that any sane Torquay supporter would finally have stopped giving this regime any benefit of the doubt.
Today, with owner and manager still in place I felt very little of the normal emotion that accompanies the late concession of a winning goal. No anger or pain today. I think I may be past that now. If I’m honest, once I got my head out of my hands I just laughed.
When I got home my wife (a lapsed Yellow) said: “You want to to get Paul O’Grady in. At least he knew how to hold onto a lead”.
Yes folks: it really is that bad.
COYY – CLIVE
SOCIAL MEDIA
TT PARTNERS
TWITTER – INSTAGRAM – ETSY – YOUTUBE – FACEBOOK
TORQUAYTALK 
It sounds like WJD was a worthy recipient of your MOTM award Clive. However, if, in fact, your wife’s comment is genuine, I think you should reconsider giving it to her (insert ooer missus after that last sentence if desired). An understandably brief but nonetheless enjoyably amusing report, sir.
LikeLike