TALKING POINTS

John Cadigan

@johncadigan

John discusses the NLS loss

THE WHOLE FLIPPING MESS

Divorced , beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived. It sounds like the current Torquay United injury list, but in the shadow of Henry VIII’s old gaff, The Gulls’ hopes faded faster than Anne of Cleves’ plans for a romantic honeymoon trip to Paris.

And in much the same way as our old mucker Henry annexed himself from the Catholic Church, George Edwards annexed himself from reality with some of his responses after the game when confronted by a good thirty or so fans demanding to know just what the heck is happening to our football club. It felt pretty seismic; like a particularly heavy straw had finally inflicted a catastrophic injury to the spinal section of a camel. With no way of escape, the slipperiest customer in football since renowned baby oil enthusiast Adama Traore had to front up. Home truths were delivered, nonsense was responded. I was attempting to describe it on the radio at the time, but from chatting to those involved, Edwards blamed players not wanting to come to the area, stated a new stadium is still the plan, refused to engage with the supporters’ trust and claimed the owner is still investing money. These are the first answers of any kind we’ve had in five years and it took a 3-1 defeat, some enterprising fans and a decrepit ground with a lack of easy exit points to get them. I highly doubt whether many of the concerns were truly taken on board but to give him credit, Edwards listened and answered for a good fifteen or twenty minutes after the game. Mel and Ian Hayman carried on for a fair while after that.

It seems obvious to say the situation as it is cannot continue. And the answers Edwards gave inspire no confidence as to either the ownership’s willingness to listen, understand and change, or their true motives for the future. But it was really quite brilliant to see our fans stand up and fight for the club. Will anything change in the short term as a result? Almost certainly not. But I think the ownership well and truly got the message that we aren’t happy. This has to be the start and we need to keep the pressure on.

Compare and contrast our club’s approach to Hampton. A lovely, welcoming, friendly, family club. Fighting for every fan they’ve got. Making the matchday experience as fun and enjoyable as possible. And funnily enough people in turn were spending money on food and merchandise and everyone was happy. It’s literally staring you in the face lads.

I’m currently in the process of brainwashing my six year old nephew into following The Gulls the same way my uncle did to me, and much like the rotund local monarch’s lifelong desperation to produce a male heir, I’m desperate for us to produce a club worth him supporting in the future. And you better believe that’s not the end of the Tudor references. Calum Thomas Wolsey? No you shut up!

GARY JOHNSON

It feels like there are more important existential issues at play right now, but the manager has become a toxic presence. Does he want to be here any more? It feels not. In much of his public utterances this season, it’s been like he’s almost daring the club to sack him, especially with comments about “not needing” the job this week. It’s telling that he didn’t appear at all in the warm up at Hampton and the first anyone saw of him was at one minute to three.

The spark’s gone, the vim and the vigour have long since departed platform five, and the ideas are as stale and uninspiring as the leftover venison pies after one of Henry VIII’s banquets, because as I’ve already mentioned Hampton Court was his home from 1530-1547.

Every manager has a shelf life in football. It gets to the point when fans and players are just a bit bored of hearing the same things and you have to make a change. It’s a shame Gary’s tarnished his reputation, because there were times over the first three years of his reign when we seemed to be incapable of losing and he had this magical aura about him, like some kind of tribal cult leader.

But that was a long time ago now. We’re ten points off leaders Yeovil with an ominous looking match against The Glovers to come in the next few weeks, and as such this season is already looking like playoffs at best. You really don’t want to get stuck down here at this terrible level for a second season, but that’s where we’re heading.

If the budget is there as George Edwards claims it is, you have to question how on earth we’ve put the teams out that we have this season, and that comes down to another season of desperately poor recruitment from the manager and his brother.

In his after match interview that seemed to be conducted in a children’s soft play centre, it didn’t sound like he was going anywhere. If Johnson’s going to stay, signings like Callum Dolan will help – more on him in a moment. But much like Henry VIII increasing the size of the Royal Navy by over ten times during his reign (and if you think I’m just frantically googling this stuff now, you can sod off), the manager and the club need to work to bolster this squad further and quickly.

CALLUM DOLAN

The one bright spark of the afternoon, Dolan was industrious, committed, energetic and willing to get stuck in. He was physically up to the challenge, looked good on the ball and had plenty of decent efforts on goal. On another day, one of them flies in and maybe the result is a little different.

Dolan will do alright for us, but I’d imagine he’s already looking longingly at when he can get on the train back to Fleetwood. Can you even do that? Probably going to be one of those Cross Country ones that takes years off your life isn’t it. Multiple changes I’d imagine. Probably a half hour getting lost at Birmingham New Street somewhere in there too. Hellish.

Actually I tell a lie about Dolan being the only bright spot, I had a really nice chat with Brett McGavin on the way out too. I met him first when we went to record the National Obsession’s 200th episode at training last year and thought then as I thought now, he might be the loveliest bloke in football I’ve ever met. This is member 001 of the Brett McGavin Fan Club reporting for duty as ever.

Oh and Hampton was a ten minute cycle from my house. And that really is it for the positives.

MARK HALSTEAD

Poor old Mark picked up what looked like a really nasty head injury colliding with one of Hampton’s players as he attempted to come for a cross. Not the first head injury sustained in Hampton, the home of the Tudors, I hear you laugh. Wrong. They didn’t execute anyone in Hampton actually so you’ve made a bit of a fool of yourself there. Did you know Henry VIII is thought to have executed as many as 57,000 people during his thirty six years on the throne? Again, just top of the head stuff, and I challenge you to try and prove otherwise.

Halstead going off coincided with our best spell of the game and his replacement Rhys Lovett had very little to do apart from pick the ball out of his net for the third goal.

Brutal as it seems, and I’m trusting that Halstead’s absolutely fine, I’d like to see Lovett given a bit of a run in the side now. It’s looked to me like Mark could’ve done a lot better with a few of the goals recently – none more so than Weston’s third on Tuesday – and he’s regressed a little to the Halstead of old. We all know he’s a confidence player, so a little spell out of the firing line for a bit might not be the worst idea.

ROSS MARSHALL

An absolute liability. Mate, that eye surgery – was it carried out by Dr Nick from The Simpsons? Whatever it was, it didn’t work.

He gave away his third penalty in three and a half league games, which is equal parts impressive and head-bangingly awful.

A walking accident machine, he deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as the Jimmy Aggrey’s and the Dale Tonge’s of this world, and you know when a player starts arguing with the fans as he did at the end then he’s completely done for.

Useless, I’m afraid, and needs to be first on the list of the players Gary is supposedly threatening to move on. It’s quite a long list. Almost as long as the list of Henry VIII’s wives, because as I’ve made abundantly clear, he lived at Hampton Court Palace, just down the road from Hampton and Richmond Football Club.