TALKING POINTS

Matty Hayward – @MattyHayward96

Matty discusses the Boxing Day game

There’s no such thing as a must-win game in December, but after two disappointing defeats, a home clash against a side above us in the league felt crucial.

The 26th December hasn’t been a particularly happy hunting… day(?) for the Yellows in recent years. We haven’t won with turkey in our stomachs since the 2021 3-0 thrashing of Yeovil, and after a defeat to Wotton’s Truro in ’23 then a draw at languishing Weymouth last time, you’d have been forgiven for thinking that Quality Street and Baileys were toxic to Gulls.

Thankfully, those fears were extinguished yesterday, in front of five thousand home fans on all four sides of the ground. It meant that every one of those five thousand were able to watch the aftermath of Anthony Trueman’s murder in The Vic without fretting about a spoiled title charge.

FESTIVE FOOTBALL FIXTURES

There’s been a lot of consternation online from the usual suspects about the perceived absence of fixtures this Boxing Day: it’s the death of a tradition, they say, a disgrace to the sport, another nail in the coffin of Gamesgonery.

I don’t see this at all. Without meaning to sound all worthy about supporting a non-league team, Boxing Day has never been about watching the top flight on the telly for me. In fact, I’d much rather go to a game, then have a suite of Premier League matches to watch on the subsequent no-man’s-land days between Christmas and New Year (choose your portmanteau: Twixmas, Winterval or, my personal favourite, The Merryneum).

I know I don’t need to persuade Torquay United fans that “going to the football is good, actually”, but one of the many factors I love is how, in the ground, you can notice things that the TV cameras would never show. I had a perfect example of this yesterday.

As the players lined up for the second half, I clocked Sam Dreyer trotting over to the touchline to have a word with a substitute. From the opposite side of the ground, I couldn’t work out which of our identikit young men with the same haircut he was talking to: let’s say it was Sonny Fish. It might have been Sonny Sharples-Ahmed. The benchman leapt into action and charged back down the tunnel.

It was clear that our skipper had left something in the changing room. Within moments, Sonny returned clutching the key item. He dangled it towards a confused Jordan Thomas who was left with a decision to make. The whistle was about to be blown: did he have time to receive the item and to transmit it via Jordan Dyer to his captain?

Luckily, the ref caught this and allowed the problem to be resolved before beginning the second period. But what was the item, so important that it delayed the restart? Some sort of gel or nutrient pouch, perhaps? Or had Sammy D forgotten to reattach his shin pads? No, neither. The object that inspired such panic was, of course, his alice band.

Because it’s the season of goodwill, and because he won his battle with Yellows-reject Louis Britton, I’m willing to let the future England centre half off with a warning. Any more of this caper and he’ll be staring down the barrell of a week in Woke Jail.

NO DOUBTING THOMAS

It’s only right that the official Player Of The Match award went to Dennis (again, ole ole). He scored with two wonderful finishes, and looked a class above all afternoon.

But the connoisseur’s choice for the gong has to be Jordan Thomas. After a disrupted start to the season, thanks to poor form and the signing of an understudy, JT is starting to put together a run of games to remind us of his quality. Boxing Day was a great example of this. He notched two assists. The first, a smart-thinking, beautifully judged quick free-kick over the top of the back line for LD to control and finish. The second, I noticed on the highlights, was a delightful little dink over an outstretched leg. Both left the United number 7 plenty to do, but these were properly crafted assists, not just The Bloke Who Passed To Maradona On The Halfway Line Before He Went On His Eel-Like Run In 1986 Type Assists (River Plate’s Hector Enrique, if you’re interested).

These jobs are increasingly important for a modern full-back, but Thomas did the traditional basics right too. He kept Weston’s rotating cast of widemen quiet, and was a key component of a resolute defence all afternoon.

THE OPENER

Do we need goal-line technology in non-league football?

No.

Now that’s out the way…

…we can talk about that first goal. Like Father Christmas the day before, Louis Dennis delivered. Like your uncle’s comments at the Christmas table, there’ll be debates about whether it crossed the line. Like arguments about what time you open your Christmas presents, who cares?

I’ll tell you who cares: Callum Dolan. After you’ve watched and rewatched the finish, then cleaned yourself up, rewind and watch the opener again. This time, focus not on Dennis, nor on the goal-line, but where the ball goes after it’s been cleared.

Callum Dolan, on return to the starting XI, had a mixed afternoon. It was typified by this moment. He could’ve rendered the appeals meaningless by stroking a volley into a keeper-less goal from twelve yards. Instead, he cushioned it high, wide and out for a throw-in. Luckily, the linesman waved his flag, and the Marnham Road Messi had his blushes spared.

SQUAD NUMBER UPDATE

It’s the halfway point of the season. It’s been a while since my inaugural, and very popular, squad number assessment article. If you’re the one person on the internet who didn’t catch it, here’s a link: https://share.google/eLfsnPWBdsFIyM6Gy

We’ll deal with the new numbers the way God intended: in numerical order.

First up is Matt Worthington. Being a late signing, he was never going to stake a claim to your classic central midfielder numbers. Your 8s, your 4s. In the absence of that, the number 18 shirt seems right for him. Squad Number Approved ✅

Next up is new backup ‘keeper Adam Seedhouse-Evans. We’ll have to hope and pray that this lad doesn’t get onto the pitch. Not because he’s not good enough, I’ve no idea about that, but because 21 is an absolute abomination of a squad number for a sub goalie. It’s well documented that the acceptable options are: 1-> 13-> 31 at an absolute push. Squad Number Rejected ❌

Another double barrelled recent signing: Sonny Sharples-Ahmed. He dons the number 22, taking it from previous loanee Keane Anderson. While ordinarily it probably should a full back’s number, I think it’s basically suitable for any squad player in the back half of the pitch. I’m sure he sings the Taylor Swift song as he’s getting ready to sit on the bench for another 90 minutes. Squad Number Approved ✅

The most recent loan addition is Kieran Wilson. He looked fantastic at Chelmsford, but has barely got a game since. Good. I shouldn’t have to be subjected to a forward/wide player wearing the number 23. It is an affront to my eyes, and to our collective intelligence. Squad Number Offensive 🤢

Sonny Blu Lo-Everton has worn the number 24 since signing in July. The vibes are alright on this. Did Darren Fletcher wear 24 for United? It’s a nowhere number, really. Of the available options when he joined, it’s probably the best of a mixed bunch for a midfielder. Squad Number Approved ✅

And there’s your update. You’re welcome.

I’m still taking commissions to write the definitive work on the history of Torquay United through the prism of squad numbers. If you know any publishers with an eye for a groundbreakingly entertaining idea, come and speak to me at Bath.