TT BLOG

Clive Hayward – @Byehorse

Clive discusses the PSF

Driving with Paul Mulhern along the switchback coast road, with breathtaking views of Chesil Beach and Lyme Bay on the starboard bow, I couldn’t help feeling that Saturday afternoon might have been too nice to waste on football. But reflecting on our goal-laden trip to the Bob Lucas I reckon it was worthwhile after all.

Most of the diehards were there: Paul Bastard, Nigel Tabb, Christine Parkman and Ben Taylor (fresh from a midweek trip to Kosovo!) to name but four.

Paul Wotton picked his strongest available eleven for United’s final pre-season friendly. Matt Jay and Louis Dennis missed out with minor injuries, and they lined up roughly 4-2-3-1:

The first half was a bit of a mixed bag. United were largely on top and took the lead on 22 minutes. It happened fast: Dreyer found the excellent Dylan Morgan, who split the Weymouth defence with a perfect through-ball for Cody Cooke. Cooke’s control was excellent, and taking the ball on aafew strides he produced an emphatic finish across the keeper.

Matt Worthington’s first official outing as captain ended badly. He lost possession and his opponent was about to show him a clean pair of heels when he scythed him down, It was a yellow card in any game and he was substituted almost immediately, apparently having jarred his back. Dan Hayfield replaced him. One-nil might have flattered Weymouth at half time, but in fact they went in level. Callum Dolan lost the ball in midfield- not his first error in a mercurial display. Weymouth broke, Dolan was dispossessed a second time and Jake McCarthy capitalised on hesitant defending to fire the hosts level.

We’ll never know what happened in the dressing room, but my colleague Paul Mulhern timed the half time interval at only 12 minutes. It may be

that all the teacups were smashed by then, or the hairdryer had blown a fuse.

Whatever transpired, the next 6 minutes were men against boys.

First Cooke found Jordan Young in acres of space seven yards out and the left-footer slotted calmly past the horribly-exposed Ben Clarke.

Cooke then ran rampage, scoring two in a minute with finishing deadlier than a rattlesnake with a machine gun. Lo-Everton made the first and Cooke then pounced on a misplaced pass straight from the kick off. United found themselves 4-1 up before some supporters had emerged from the bar! It was a 51 minute hat trick for the hero of Hemel, and the Yellows were out of sight.

The Weymouth line-up had been a closely-guarded secret pre-match. We kidnapped one of their officials and made him show us his WhatsApp. This showed a bench of Triallist A, Triallist B and Emmanuel Yeboah. They had had to replace injured centre back Callum Brooks in the first half with a tall, bald white fella. Yeboah did make an appearance in the second half though, along with 4 other lads whose names we may never know.

Torquay, of course, rang the changes too, with Wonnacott, Palmer, Carson, Lo-Everton, Crosbie and young Aiden Edwards getting run-outs on a pitch that was less than ideal. Very grassy and un-watered, it was probably quite sapping.

Crosbie battled hard and the best of his two shots on goal was tipped onto the crossbar. Palmer marauded down the wing to good effect (not a sentence I had anticipated writing this season!) and his cross found Carson who jabbed home a fifth from close range.

Readers of a certain age will remember teams scoring five being described as “Going Nap.” It’s a reference to bidding for five tricks in the card game Napoleon, apparently. Will today’s scoreline mean anything next Saturday? No. Did it make the post-match chats more upbeat? You bet.

Ultimately, Weymouth was a good workout in a relaxed atmosphere.

Next week, Plainmoor Expects.