TT BLOG

Matty Hayward – @MattyHayward96

Matty discusses squad numbers

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, not because the sun has come out, or because the test match summer has started. It’s the most wonderful time of the year because it’s time to pause and zoom in on Torquay United social media videos in order to ascertain new squad numbers.

The reason I love squad numbers so much is two-fold. Firstly, for sometimes rational and sometimes irrational reasons, certain numbers seem to *fit* certain players. It’s sometimes tradition, sometimes just vibes. Chris Zebroski should never have been number 26 – that’s a centre back’s number – but Jamie Reid was absolutely born to be number 19, and his initial spell wearing the 18 shirt is a sorry chapter in our club’s storied history. There is something about my brain that enjoys the maths of it, the puzzles, the symmetry, but also the history of how their traditions have developed and the rank, affronting anomalies that don’t conform.

One of my favourite bits on Football Manager is making all the squad numbers fit together: I’ve got a new left winger but the number 11 is already taken and it’d cause a scene, even though he will be replaced in the starting lineup, to strip the incumbent of it. Could the new guy wear 14? Feels a bit right wingery (evidence: 7×2=14; Lloyd Macklin wore 14). Is 17 better because it looks a bit like 11? Is this player the sort of maverick who’d actually prefer a 37? Obviously we’ll never go higher than 39. And so on, and so on, until long after the laptop has burned a rash into my legs and the streetlamp lights are blaring in through the blinds.

The second reason I love squad numbers so much is that they’re exactly the sort of thing that yer da (or, in my case, my actual da) gets completely irate about. They’re a lightning rod for gamesgonery: football dinosaurs and Popside pundits love to tell you how our beautiful sport used to be played by real men, with no substitutes (Aston Villa won the….yawn!), with flags on the halfway line and referees who wore black and didn’t need a voice in their ear to tell them what decision to make and half-time oranges and outfielders who never wore fucking gloves and were effectively allowed to decapitate opponents as long as it was in the first five minutes, and back passes being picked up and ‘proper’ drop balls and with every player on the pitch wearing a number between one and eleven to denote their position. As a result, it’s really funny to pretend to be into them.

So, what’s new? I’ve been at the coalface of journalism and watched all of Paddy Tinkler’s ‘first day of training’ videos with their twinkly backing track so you don’t have to.

The first thing to note is that, as far as I can tell from my extensive research, there are only two members of last season’s squad whose numbers have changed. Cody Cooke’s 20 goals and growing cult status as father to some of Europe’s most famous rabbits (his words, his actual words) has earned him the number 9 shirt, after Ben Seymour made his way out the door. Cody seems a much better fit for this: the phrase ‘proper number 9’ was created for broad-shouldered, responsibility-relishing target men like him. Squad Number Approved. ✅

Another mover is Dylan Morgan, who upgrades from 28 to 11. Bradley Ash, uncomfortably, has been the 11-wearer for the last few years, but it’s much more suited to a wide midfielder. Definitely Squad Number Approved ✅

Alongside Morgan in the attacking midfield ranks is Callum Dolan. It’s a modern development in football (another that irks yer da and my actual da, not because they hate it but because they don’t understand it) to define tactical positions by their traditional number. The first of these, to my mind, is “the 10”. What’s important to note here is that, regardless of what number is actually on the player’s back, Lionel Messi and Diego Maradona and Hatem Ben Arfa and Eunan O’Kane are all “10s”. It’s a position that’s being squeezed out of the game, as tiny technicians like Riquelme are muscled into obsolescence by physical behemoths like Jude Bellingham, and those with the defter touch – David Silva, Luca Modric, Alexis Mac Allister – are forced to retreat to deeper in midfield. From our very short time knowing Callum Dolan, he fits the modern 10 mould. He’s a playmaker, but not a pushover. He’ll certainly take up the ’10 position’ at times on the pitch, but will also add industry to midfield. Squad Number Approved ✅

The next position that has come to be defined by its number is ‘the 6’. The origins of why the holding midfield position is referred to as ‘the 6’, despite many traditionalists seeing it as a centre back’s number, is fascinating and may well form the basis for the follow-up to this article. Don’t even get me started on the origins of Argentinians calling this position ‘cinco’ (five)!

Personally, I prefer a defensive midfielder to wear the number 4. It feels and looks right: a completely vibe-based call. However, in the absence of an available number 4 shirt, Munashe Sundire taking the number 6 is highly appropriate. He has been signed to play in that very position: the destroyer in front of the back line, the terrier. Yes, he’s a six, and becomes the first Torquay midfielder to take the shirt since Ben Harding. I dare you to say you’re not enjoying this. Squad Number Approved ✅

It looks like, though the video evidence is a little bit obscured, Louis Dennis will take the number 7 next season. This one is more difficult. He’s been described as a forward who can play as an out-and-out striker, off the left, or off the front man. Of course, traditionally, the number 7 should be a right sided midfielder. Beckham, Ronaldo. But this club has a history of dicking about with the 7 shirt. Lee Mansell! Connor Lemonheigh-Evans! Ruairi Keating! RYAN HANSON! Lirak Hasani! When was the last time we had a real winger wearing the number? (Answer: Iffy Allen, but, really, Tony Bedeau). Maybe Dennis can get away with it. Squad Number Approval: Pending.

The final addition, thus far, is Sonny Fish, who’ll wear the number 17. I’m quite content with this. He’ll have wanted to get a number in the top 11, but the relatively late signature and the seniority of other forwards meant he was never getting close. 17 is quite a versatile number: as evidenced by our former wearers, who range from Finn Tonks to Ozzy Zanzala, from Ricky Aguiar to Paul Rooney to Matt Green. I could go on, but mercifully I won’t. Crucially, there is nobody in our history who is synonymous with this number. Maybe Fish can make it his own. Squad Number Approved ✅

And that’s it. You’ve made it to the finish line. There’s definitely potential for this to become a regular feature. If Sky Sports can make a weekly programme out of ‘Ref Watch’, I might be forced to make a semi-regular series out of squad number news and vibe assessments. A modern history of Torquay United told through the prism of squad numbers. Any publishers out there reading? Anyone at all still reading? Helllllloooooo?