TALKING POINTS

Matty Hayward – @MattyHayward96

Matty discusses the win at Plainmoor

What’s the best ‘team X are top of the league at Christmas’ headline?

– Team X are top of the Christmas tree

– Team X are the Christmas number one

– Team X join turkey and gravy on top of the table at Christmas

– Team X give their fans a valuable present

– Something about a Christmas Cracker

None of them are much good, really. But, crucially, Torquay are top of the league, and what a thrill. Paul Wotton is well within his rights to claim not to care, and to remind his players that it doesn’t mean anything at this stage of the season. It’s probably the correct attitude. But having been completely starved of footballing joy for goodness knows how long, fans are also well within their rights to rejoice. It’s a bloody good feeling that, nine months ago, felt a million miles away.

Of course, this is no guarantee of success. Since football began in 1992, the festive Premier League table toppers have won the title 16 years out of 32. Similar statistics are presumably available for the National League South, but I’d need to be paid handsomely to have that much journalistic rigour. Instead I’ll draw vague conclusions: it’s not the be all and end all, obviously, but it’s also clearly better to be top of the league at Christmas than not. Thank you for reading this groundbreaking work.

GLASSES

There are two ways to read yesterday’s game. If you’re a glass-half-full person you wheel out the ‘good teams win ugly’ clichés, pat the boys on the back for grinding out a result, and you walk away waxing lyrical about the value of clean sheets. The alternative reading is that we didn’t play very well and got quite fortunate to take the three points. I’m definitely more in the former camp than the latter – the conditions were tough and Hemel were a physical, well-organised side who didn’t roll over – and not conceding any goals is a fantastic habit to get into. However, our goalkeeper being deservedly awarded Player Of The Match does tell part of the story, and we’ll need to play better to beat most teams at this level and extend our eleven-game unbeaten run.

HIGHLIGHTS – YOUNG HITS THE BAR – YOUTUBE CLIP

JANUS

I know we’re in the habit of looking forward, and resisting the urge to wallow in the retrospective. But, allow me to remind you of our last pre-Christmas fixture. Osman Foyo made his debut, and Gary Johnson’s Plucky Yellows succumbed to a two nil defeat at an athletics stadium in Chelmsford. On the Torquay bench that day were: Rhys Lovett, Dan Martin, Dylan Crowe, Callum Thomas, Thomas Chastey (nor me!). That’s a goalkeeper, a left back who wasn’t good enough, a right back who was nowhere near good enough, and two literal children.

Yesterday, Wotton used his substitutes to change then subsequently secure the game. At half time he brought on two wingers, both of whom have found success at a higher level. Next, he brought on another wide player who within minutes put in a dangerous cross that should’ve been tucked away, then won the pivotal penalty. Finally, he introduced the man with the largest head in the northern hemisphere to shore us up at the back. That’s as clear an indication as you’ll find of this club’s on-pitch improvement.

HIGHLIGHTS – HAMON SAVE – YOUTUBE CLIP

GLOVERS

We’ve signed another footballer from Yeovil Town. While Dylan Morgan’s debut in yellow won’t live long in anyone’s memory, I think he showed enough glimpses of twinkle toes and close control in his forty-five minute berth that suggested he could be another impressive acquisition from our Somerset faux-rivals. By bringing in both him and Wood, Wotton has added quality and depth to the wide areas: one of the few things that our squad lacked since the switch to 4-3-3. It’s shrewd business, and could be crucial as we aim to hold onto our lead at the top.

HIGHLIGHTS – HEMEL HIT THE POST – YOUTUBE CLIP

HORSES

Well, it wouldn’t be Christmas without someone sounding like a boring old bastard getting on his high horse and having a good old grumble. So, two tuppences from me:

– Firstly, we’ve got to stop singing about going “to the national league”. Football songs, particularly the “we’re on our way” song, are inherently aspirational and optimistic.

Jo Kuffour wasn’t actually better than Henry, for example. I appreciate that we, as fans, have taken a battering in recent years, and reserves of hope and expectation are in short supply, but there’s something incredibly bleak about our optimistic aspiration being the fifth tier. The very least we can be aiming for is the Football League.

– Secondly, I really do object to Torquay fans singing “Feed The Scousers”, which happened multiple times yesterday. For one, it is apocalyptically tinpot for a Conference South side to be manufacturing a hatred of a city two hundred miles away which hosts two of the most historic clubs in the country, whose fans will barely know of our existence. But also, as a town, Torquay has suffered as much as any other from a decade and a half of austerity, poverty and deprivation are rife here, and we could probably do with a bit of solidarity rather than just kicking poor people.

Of course, I’m not the Popside Song Arbiter. People can sing what they want! I thought the atmosphere yesterday was excellent, especially considering the uninspiring nature of the football, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a bit of clear headed introspection on a Sunday afternoon.

I’ll hop off my high horse now.

Wishing you all a peaceful Christmas: see you at Weymouth.